All You Ever Wanted Was A Change That Never Came
by whatnameshoulditype
Summary: After the war, Hermione returns to Hogwarts feeling lonely and insecure. What will happen when the person who tries to help her through her problems is the one she least expects? Compliant until DH, EWE? T for language and to be safe


Chapter One – Can you lie to yourself as you lay alone in the night?

**A/N – This is my first written attempt at fanfiction (who hasn't daydreamed about going to Hogwarts at least a million times!), and I really appreciate any comments or suggestions you have because, most likely, you'll know more about this than I do. English is not my first language, and I'm more used to speaking it than writing, so everything is going to be pretty simple in terms of vocabulary, even though I like words such as conundrum and canoodling. This isn't going to be very long, maybe one or two more chapters, unless some more ideas come to me in my sleep. Please review!**

Resigned. The word that describes best the way Hermione Granger feels is resigned. It's not a pretty word, nor is it hopeful, but it is what it is. And the truth of the matter is: some things don't change. Which is why she must resign to the fact that she is _the brains_, and nobody will ever see her as anything else.

But sometimes, just sometimes, when she's alone in her room in the Head dormitory at Hogwarts, she doesn't want to settle for that. The war was supposed to change things, and don't get her wrong, she isn't petty enough to put her personal insecurities above the safety of the Wizarding world, and she was extremely relieved that Voldemort was gone along with his evil master plan of world domination. But this was supposed to be her second chance, and after all she'd been through last year, dropping out of Hogwarts to hunt for Horcruxes, camping for almost an entire year with two (and only one for some time when Ron had abandoned her and Harry) malnourished and grumpy boys, being tortured by a demented woman, going through a war, ... She should get a chance to be her own person, not just the brains. So she cried. When she was alone in her bedroom, after Silencing the room so her sobs wouldn't reach Malfoy's ears (he was named Head Boy after all the charges had been dropped for not confirming Harry's identity at Malfoy Manor), she cried. Because Ron and Harry hadn't returned to school and she was lonely, Ginny had her own friends and didn't have time for her, and mostly because she'll never be anything other than _the brains_. And _the brains_ was great when you need help with homework, or when you have a question and no time or pacience to go get the textbook. But _the brains_ isn't useful for anything else, she isn't funny, cute or flirty, pretty, captivating or attractive. And those are the qualities boys look for, so nobody pays a second look to _the brains_.

And where's the evidence, you may ask? Well Hermione has proof enough. Let's take Victor Krum in fourth year, for instance. He thought Hermione was mysterious and interesting because she didn't chase him around like a lovesick puppy like all the other teenage girls, so he asked her to the Yule Ball. She'd bought a dress, did her hair and make-up, tried to look girly for him, and it had worked out well for a while. Until one day he realized that he preferred his ladies beautiful, with long legs and a deep cleavage, and pining for him. So he dumped her through a letter. Because after all, a famous Quidditch played could only be seen with the best. She didn't mind much, because she figured out that her real crush was Ron. And she'd thought he liked her, by how jealous he had been when he'd seen her with Krum, but that turned out to be a fluke. Her heart was crushed in sixth year the day he appeared with Lavender Brown latched onto him like a fucking leach, whose favourite hobby was sucking on his mouth (again, she resembled a bloody leach) in public places. Once again she realized, Lavender was pretty, had soft blonde hair, and was giggly and flirty and skinny, which is really everything a boy wants. And the last scrap of evidence: the consequences of the Final Battle kiss between her and Ron. He stomped on her heart and confidence once again in the way he'd stumbled on his words while trying to say that he'd never see her as anything more than a friend and it had been a mistake, and then proceeded to accept the top level job the Ministry offered alongside Harry and never looked behind. Afterwards, he decided to use his fame to bang a different girl every night, almost every single one of his rendezvous being posted on the front page of the Daily Prophet and articles being written on Witch Weekly describing his "type" after intensive studies made from profound analysis to every one-night stand he had. Disgusting really, but an accurate description of the perfect girl: blonde hair, long legs, boobs and smiles. Everything Hermione Granger was not.

Ron saw her as _the brains_, as did Harry, Ginny, Victor and everybody else. And as much as she didn't want to be _the brains_, if she wasn't just that, then she didn't know who she was anymore. She was lost.

So why did she lie in her cold bedroom at night wishing she were everything but _the brains_? She could still be smart, and the rest she'd figure out.

She sighed unhappily. Who was she trying to fool? And as the fat tears spilled once more on her cheeks and on her pillow, she convinced herself once more to stop these silly thoughts and resign to the fact that without her brain, she was nothing.

**A/N number 2 – Too repetitive maybe? I'm trying to make her really self-conscious about her looks, and as I thought about this, some tears clouded my eyes, but of course when I decided to actually sit in front of the computer and write, all the good emotional ideas flew out the window and this was what was left.**

**If you have any thoughts about this small chapter whatsoever, don't hesitate to leave a review.**


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